Panic Attack

Today started out well. I had a lovely morning, with a few pleasant distractions.

Then I went to work.

I walked in to what was an already overwhelming situation. It's not important to discuss the details. It is sufficient to say that I have a 660% workload, and I'm past burn out. I think I passed that three months ago.

And yet... I still care.

I know that it's literally impossible for any human being to do what I'm doing with anything other than a passing touch on quality work. And yet I struggle and strive to get it done anyway.

My name is on that work.

But I can't focus. I try to gather my thoughts, make some to-do lists, and then I get a whole new pile of crap dumped on me during the day. I can't touch one single thing I started the day with, not one.

I normally work some overtime, because I can dig out a little. But today? I gave up. What's the point.

I had such trouble breathing, focusing, and keeping my blood pressure in line, that I had to get up and leave. I took a real lunch, outside the building.

It helped a little, but the stupid spring is already here. It was 78 degrees and I have no air conditioning in the car until my back-ordered part comes in.

I got no winter, that sucked.

Well... there's that.

Darrell